[Must.Not.Procrastinate. I have several posts that have been percolating in my head over the past month or so that have not made it to paper (or screen), so I am playing catch-up.]
The principal focus of this journey is to learn: learn again what I am good at; learn to be patient with myself; learn that not being perfect is OK; and learning that if I “fail,” I can always try again. It’s also to learn how to simply go with the flow…to accept things as they are, change what you can and accept what you can’t, and learn to laugh it off.
Here’s what I’ve learned (so far) – the profound, the mundane, and the maddening:
- You cannot always touch every person in your quest. – In the university setting, I have quickly accepted the fact that there will be students in my classes who are really invested in learning English, and there will be students who are there simply because they are required to be. I will always devote myself to reaching every student with whatever tools I can, but I will not beat myself up over those students who choose to not fully engage.
- What you see is not always what you get. – I was so disillusioned when I first arrived and tried ordering food based on the photo on the menu – what I ended up with was almost invariably not what I thought or expected. I’m not talking about ordering pig intestines when I thought I was ordering chicken, although I came dangerously close to doing that. Think of the advertisements you see for fast food in the US, and that will give you an idea of what I’m talking about. That juicy burger – replete with juicy, ripe tomato slices, mounds of crisp, leafy lettuce, cheese melted perfectly, all enshrined in a fluffy, toasted bun – is not what ends up on your tray. I kept ordering dishes depicted chock-full of vegetables, only to receive mounds of meat atop rice or noodles, with, at best, a minuscule bit of garnish of vegetables. Now, I know there is no shortage of vegetables here – I see them all the time at the morning market and street stands! I have since learned to ask specifically if the dish includes the advertised vegetables – sometimes yes, but often no, or not much. After much trial and error, I have found one or two dishes that have become my fallbacks, and set about seeking new ones. I’ve also accepted that I may just have to get my vegetable fix on my own time when I cook for myself.
The “what you see” lesson pertains to every facet of the experience. I ventured out for a weekend mountain hiking trip with a fellow teacher and a student (more details on that adventure in a future post). Hiking, to me, means you walk on a trail or make your own, and is not typically a large group exercise. In China, evidently, hiking in the mountains means stairs. Lots of stairs. Lots of people walking of lots of stairs to get to the top. This is, seemingly, perfectly normal to the Chinese populace; it was, to put it mildly, NOT what I was anticipating or looking forward to, and after two days and about 6 km up and down stairs, my body and general attitude concurred. I had to keep reminding myself “You are not in the U.S. anymore – you are not at home. Expect things to be different; expect things to go wrong, and know that you have no control over that, and let it go.” I’m getting better at that. - Don’t forget the “learning curve.” – Your rational mind knows this is inherent in any new endeavor, but your emotional mind balks at this notion – well, at least mine does. The notion of failure has always filled me with dread and I avoid it at all costs; it is truly my albatross that I carry and is very difficult to overcome. One of the English teachers proffered up a gig of teaching a group of ten year olds – his schedule was already too full to take it on. My first reaction was something akin to “No way in hell is that going to happen.” I had put off getting into tutoring as I got settled in, but I continued to put it off because of FEAR. My gut said, “you are not ready. Where do I start? What if I suck at it? I’ve never taught kids!” My rational mind said “you are NEVER going to feel ready. You may not be great at it at first, but you HAVE to do this in order to learn.” I HAD to make myself do it – I will never feel ready; I just have to do it.
- Say “yes” whenever possible. – Saying “yes” – as a hard-core introvert prone to sometimes debilitating shyness (no, really), I have a propensity to shrink away from invitations of the unfamiliar, whether that is new people, new activities, or uncomfortable situations. Saying “yes” is INCREDIBLY difficult for me. I really just want to hole up by myself a lot of the time. I do require a LOT of alone time to regain energy, but if I’m not careful I tend to shut myself off from the world – again, the FEAR kicks in. I know I have to say “yes:” – even if I’ve had my fill of people for the day and would rather hibernate; even if I have other things I “need” to do (I’m good at finding those when I don’t want to do something social); even if I have no idea what I’m doing or what I may be getting myself into. The opportunities I may miss will outweigh the discomfort of pushing myself to say “yes” (repeat as needed until the brain believes it).
Since I have been here, I have:
*Attended a Mid-Autumn Festival mooncake-making party with students.
*Ridden on a bus to walk up a mountain of stairs, and met a fellow Harbinite teacher; walked the “drag” through the village, and stayed in the smallest “hotel” room you could ever imagine.
*Allowed myself to be pulled off the street to have my hair cut by somebody who doesn’t speak a lick of English (I also went back there this week and got my hair successfully colored).
*Ventured out to the morning market alone.
*Made a friend in the money lady at one of the food kiosks at the local food court – she always greets me (albeit in Chinese, so I really don’t know exactly what she’s saying), and is so sweet. I look forward to seeing here whenever I go in for my “fallback” meal.
*Figured out how to communicate “shoe polish” to one of the salespeople at the local market.
*Mapped the bus routes for places I need to get to, and gone on all those routes solo.
*Bargained on my own – I usually go shopping with one of the other teachers whose wife happens to be Chinese. Her nickname when we go shopping is “The Terminator” – she is a whiz at bargaining! I personally hate bargaining, but managed to successfully talk down a shop merchant on a jacket I bought recently. - Modesty will not serve you well here. – I’ve taken off my pants in the middle of a store – in front of total strangers and passerby – so I could try on a pair of pants (dressing rooms are NOT a given in Chinese shopping). I’ve had a massage in room full of strangers; apparently in China massages are a community affair, with none of the clients wearing anything but their birthday suits. Your massage therapist will scrub or massage every inch of your body, all while you are laying stark naked on a table surrounded by other naked clients on their tables (we are split by gender, at least). On my mountain “hiking” trip, our bathroom break required that I essentially pee in a partially partitioned trough while a dozen women huddled at my feet, watching me and waiting for me to finish and get out of the way.
- Neither will being a germaphobe – I was slightly (ha!) taken aback the first time I observed one of the cooks tasting the sauce of the meal he was preparing (mine) – with the COOKING SPOON. Now, I do that at home with my own food, but…. Well, what are you going to do? I try to look at it as quality control – they want to make sure the dish is perfect when it arrives on your plate…. Besides, any germs should hopefully die in the remainder of the cooking process, right?
I do draw the line at no soap. With very few exceptions, restrooms in China do not come stocked with toilet paper, soap or paper towels. Simply scrubbing my hands with cold water (I’ve yet to experience a public restroom with hot water) just doesn’t cut it for me, so I carry hand sanitizer with me EVERYWHERE.
Oh, and the spitting…. Don’t get me started on that one. - Personal space. – There is none. Personal space in China does not equate to personal space in the U.S. You will have someone who is far closer to you when you talk to them than you have ever felt comfortable with. You also will touch and be touched involuntarily, albeit inadvertently, on a regular basis. Look, there are a LOT of people in the cities, you are going to have people less than a foot from you on a regular basis – on the bus, in the street, at the market – everywhere. Just accept that fact and get used to it.
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So, these are the lessons learned so far. Each time I find myself getting bent out of shape (like I did today when someone cut RIGHT IN FRONT OF ME in line – which is perfectly normal here), I just take a deep breath and let it go and accept that there are many more lessons I will learn on this adventure.
Texas Redhead in China 